[ ADVICE ] why ?
if you remember a couple of sad posts ago, ... quite recently i questioned myself for posting that. it's a long sappy story of how i was being so sad and unhappy, how my self worth was so low, and those stuff. but now i know why i actually took a little bit of my time to share those with you. it's because in my dictionary, talking about misfortunes ... is somewhat therapeutic. talking about those things that make you feel so little is the first and foremost thing to make peace to yourself. at some point, you are breaking away from the isolation that you made, a mask to hide all your problems ... and admitting that you are not ok. as Lena would say, ... being happy all the time is desired and people expect you to be.
i know a blogger doesn't suppose to "pour" their feeling into their post because some may say it's not professional ( article here! ), ... but hey ... it's a way to cope, to be alive. i'm the kind of person that always talk about how i struggle to my friends and by now ... i guess they're all just fed up with that. i will admit that i still struggle to cope from a feeling that i lost someone so special and perfect. for those who may know... yes, it has been 2 freakin' years. there are only 2 people that knows this ... and only 1 that actually knows, knows. ( as i wrote this paragraph, i feel the familiar chest pain ... the one that i always get whenever this topic is being discussed ).
another methods that i usually use, whenever "talk about it to someone" is not an option, are crying ( or just talk ) to the camera or write about it on paper then destroy the evidence right away. umm, i am done with writing on paper because the memories will comeback so vivid that i just can't even cope ( FYI, i am not good with bad memories ). i had 3 diaries, and i did burn them all .. it's hard to read and see how angry i was, most of the time. my writing was so scribbled, and the words chosen were not nice. the idea of writing and destroying is to let go ... (LET IT GOOOOO, LET IT GOOOOOO #singAlong ). on the other side, i usually keep my videos tho. watching the videos are so soothing, i know it's weird, ... because i can just re-live how bummed out i was and it's a mild reminder of how i can be so dead inside. videos of me crying or just full blast rant-trash talking is something that calms me the most nowadays. since being verbal is way more mind consuming, i can be easily distracted from my anger, sadness, or whatever and by the end of that video-making ... i'm relieved and rejuvenated.
so basically, everything i just told you .... is admitting that you're not ok, that you're sad, or whatever then being verbal about your feeling is the cheapest therapy you can get.
things i usually do if i woke up being sad, ...
i know some of you need this to kick start your day in general.
upon waking up, force yourself to smile in the mirror. it tricks your body to release endorphins.
( by Lena )
think about the most exciting thing that will happen throughout the day, ... like having your favorite subject in school (mine was English and Maths .. tho after 3 years of not having Maths as a subject, i am pretty much an idiot by now. i was really good tho .. ) or an exciting weekend that you planned with your BFF.
something you can look up to. it really does help.
get a quick shower and looooong makeup session. for me, it's a way to escape for just a bit. putting makeup on is my way to show myself that i am important and i make sure that my makeup is on point. looking good is not just to look good, it's a therapy i give to myself every morning upon going out the door ... because when you look good, you feel good.
make the most of your upbeat song. since i can not live without upbeat songs, i just blast them to the loudest ever. your heartbeat will mimic the beat of the song and somehow you will be pumped up by the end of the song or songs.
do a do nothing day. i am guilty of bailing out of class on the last semester because i don't feel like going to school. COUGHheartbrokenCOUGH. i did catch up to the lessons by reading books or presentation handouts. that "do nothing day" is not a day to cry and being pity and miserable. just watch the best comedy movie you have, eat ice cream, cook, pamper yourself and treat yourself like a princess on your own expenses. relax and chill. that will calms you down, tho you might remember something that will make you sad again ... but the key are being positive and plant an "i am important" in your head. you need to be happy, above all. being selfish and narcissistic and all those bad traits are sometimes needed.
here is a video from Lena and Ashley Mardell ... this video is actually the inspiration of this post. this past 2 days has been hard for me, it set me aback ... to 2 years ago then i came home and found this video. universe works so weirdly, i suppose.
just remember that everyone have a war to end. you are not alone,